Heat and the Smell of Flames

Los Angeles, Thursday, July 25, 2002
     The firelight illuminated the red in her auburn hair, shoulder-length and straight as sheet metal.  Aidan stood, shoulders back and head high, in her loose brown robe, her face smooth, wearing patience like a mask.  She watched her mentor as he made last-minute preparations for the ritual.  
     At her feet marched a line of small stones, glinting dully in the firelight.  The stones encircled the bonfire and the altar set up in the north of the circle.  A man stood by the altar, preparing the herbs.  His long, dark hair fell in his face as he worked, adding a pinch of this herb, a small handful of that root, all harvested and dried especially for this occasion.  
     Darcy finished, picked up a small bowl that had been sitting off to one side, and moved to the fire.  He grabbed a small handful of herbs and tossed them into the flames.  An errant breeze brought the smell of lavender to the woman standing outside the circle of stones.  
     Her mentor stood for a moment in the smoke, arms outstretched slightly, eyes closed, chin lifted, letting the lavender smoke swirl around him.  He then stepped out of the smoke and walked to the circle of stones.  The young woman’s eyes met his as he asked, “Do you come because you must, or because you wish to?”  
     A touch of fire, a bit of impatience, flashed through her eyes.  Then she closed them, and the stony patient exterior built itself up around her again, and she took a deep breath.  “I come because what I wish requires it.”  
     She exhaled as her mentor nodded, then made one swift herding gesture with his left hand.  Aidan stepped forward, over the stone barrier, letting her robe fall to the ground as she did so.  
     She moved toward the fire, closing her eyes and breathing deeply.  The temperature was slightly higher inside the stone circle, and the swirling energy of the life’s blood of the earth was easier to feel.  Her skin jumped as Darcy poured water over her from an earthenware pitcher.  
     Her teacher gestured, and the young woman placed herself in front of the fire, where the smoke was billowing out.  He set the pitcher down near the altar and picked up a different bowl of herbs.  He tossed some in the fire, and suddenly, the young woman was awash with the scents of lavender, apple blossom, and others she couldn’t identify from the mix.  Her shoulders relaxed somewhat as she breathed in the sweet smoke.   
     Aidan opened her eyes and looked up, into the billowing smoke, and for a moment, she thought she saw a woman with pale skin and fire-red hair, also naked, with her arms raised high and her face uplifted. She vanished as quickly as she appeared, leaving the young woman to wonder if she had actually seen her.
She saw her teacher watching her, his face unreadable.  She nodded, and he turned to pick up the drum lying underneath the altar.  “You must relax into the drumbeat.  Close your eyes, if it helps.”  
     She nodded, again, and Darcy began to walk a circle around her, anti-sunwise, beating a steady, slow rhythm with the drum.  She felt the drumbeat wash over her, the way the smoke had earlier, and she felt muscles she didn’t even know were tense relax.  She felt herself slipping down, down, down.  Everything got dark, darker, and darker still, and she began to hear a jumble of voices, some thoughts and feelings of her own, some Other, thoughts and feelings she has never experienced before, voices not her own:  
     I’m not ready for this; what’s Darcy thinking?  The magick’s real, I can feel it, I can feel the energy, swirling, pulling me down; he has to know I’m not ready for this step yet. I can’t stand on my own feet yet. I’m terrified about making my own way through life, that’s why I’m still living with my parents, why they’re taking care of me. Pansy! Still relying on Mommy and Daddy for everything, huh? Why don’t you wake up?
     Wake up.
     Why don’t you realize that you can’t rely on them forever, or you’ll never stop being selfish, never stop using people, never stop being afraid. You have to stand up. You have to take care of yourself. But I can’t; I’m too afraid. I know the reality; I am awake
     Awaken.
     And I know what’s out there. That’s why I’m afraid. I can’t face it; I don‘t know how.
     Aidan felt a great tugging on her soul, her spirit, her Self, as she floated deeper and deeper down, down, down. The tugging grew more insistent, more real, as if something deep inside her was trying to get her attention, trying to wake her up.  
     Awaken!
     Suddenly, she saw a bright light before her, and she gasped, feeling as if she was being lifted up.  She felt heat, as though she was standing in a ring of fire, and the scent of that fire filled her nostrils as she continued to be lifted up and up.  The woman stood there again, naked and proud, her pale, pale skin and fiery hair -- really fiery, she realized, with eyes the color of live coals and flames dancing in her hair. And Aidan knew the woman of flames, as surely as she knew herself.  
The drumbeat changed and she felt herself lifted out of the darkness, out of the pit; and for a few moments, she stood there on the solid ground, gasping for air.  
     The woman had vanished.  Her mentor put down the drum and as he walked toward her, she could feel something . . . more.  The Magick in the circle was much stronger and more easily felt, but she didn’t think anything had changed, except for herself.  She felt different, and new.  
     Her teacher met her eyes, and asked, “What name will you go by, you who are now made anew?”
     She had known this would be asked, and had thought of several new names, but when he asked her, she heard the whisper of a whisper, and when she opened her mouth, two words escaped: “Sulla Phoenix-fire.”
                                                                  #
     “All right, babe, you okay?”  Darcy asked, once Aidan was comfortable on his couch.  “You need some water, maybe some salt for grounding, then we’ll talk.  Okay?”  
     Aidan nodded, her eyes still wider than usual.  
     Darcy paused for a second, staring at her.  Then he shook himself and went into the kitchen.  Aidan heard the sound of running water, and soon he was back, pressing a plastic cup into her hands.  She looked down at the cup, then raised it to her lips and drank a small amount.  Darcy nodded and said, “Hold out your hand.”  
     When she did, he poured some salt out of a salt shaker into her hand.  She tongued the salt off her hand and grimaced.  But her eyes began to relax, and she smiled as she looked up at him.  “What, no tequila?”  
     Darcy smiled as he set the salt shaker on the table beside the couch.  “All right, I think it’s time for some explanation.  Please just listen.”  He sat down beside her on the couch.  “Out there, in my back yard, you Awakened.  That’s what we call it.  You are now very different from most of the other people you know.  The magick we’ve been practicing the last few years, that’s real; you know it is.  This Magick, however, is Real, capital-r Real.  There’s more, there’s a lot more.  Did you . . . see anyone?”  
     Aidan nodded.  “A woman of flames.  Why?  How did you know?”  
     “I didn’t.  But it’s common.  That’s your Avatar.  Think of it as your Higher Self, or your soul, or something like that.  Listen, Aidan, you’re going to hate me for this, but I’m gonna drive you home now.  You’re in no shape to drive tonight, and you need to sorta digest this all, think about it some.  I want to see you tomorrow night.  I’ll pick you up around seven, okay?”  
                                                                 #
                                                                                                 Monday, July 29, 2002
     Sulla knocked on Darcy’s door, then walked into his apartment. “Hey, I’m here!” She started toward the kitchen; there were noises coming from there like dish-washing.
     “Hey, Aidan, I’m in the kitchen,” Darcy’s voice confirmed.
She walked into the small kitchen and dropped her bag on the little table. “You’re supposed to call me Sulla now, remember? Sulla.”
     Darcy turned to her from the sink, a plate in hand. “Sorry, Sulla. But you only picked that name a couple days ago. Give me some time to remember, okay?” He set the plate in the dish drainer and grabbed another. “Give me just a sec to finish these dishes, and then we’ll start.”
     Aidan made her way to the cupboard and asked, “Mind if I dirty another dish?” She pulled a cup out of the cupboard and opened the fridge.
     “Help yourself, as always. Mi casa es su casa, or whatever. You know the drill.”
     Aidan -- Sulla, she thought firmly -- poured herself some orange juice and then bent down to open another cupboard beneath the counter. She pulled out a bottle of vodka and poured a splash into the juice. “Want one, Darcy?”
     Darcy turned to see what she was doing, then grinned and shook his head. “Nah, I’ll be good. You know I’ve only got that shit because of you.” He turned back to his dishes.
     Aidan replaced the cap on the bottle. “I should; I bought it. And the tequila. And the rum, which you don’t think is shit.” She put the bottle of vodka back in the cupboard and straightened. “Hmmm. Darcy, I think I’ll get you some grenadine next. I like tequila sunrises.”
     “I wasn’t aware you ever mixed anything with tequila. You’ve got tequila instead of blood, I swear.”
     Aidan took a sip of her screwdriver. “Occasionally I like a little orange juice and grenadine with my tequila, that’s all.”
     Darcy turned off the water and grabbed a towel to dry his hands, then turned to face her. He was smiling. “So, shall we go into the classroom?” He set down the towel and walked off into the direction of the living room.  
     “So, Darcy, when’s the classroom going to be the bedroom?  I thought there was supposed to be sex magick and stuff.”  
     Darcy chuckled. “That lesson will come soon enough. But you Awakened, what, four days ago? You’ve still got a few things to learn.”
     They sat down next to each other on Darcy’s couch.  “So, what’s the lesson going to be tonight, Darcy?” she asked as soon as they were sitting.  
     Darcy paused to light a joint.  “Tonight we talk a bit about the Mage community, if it can really be called that.”
     “What do you mean?”
     “Outside of Chantries, Mages have a tendency to be fairly solitary. But first, we’re going to talk about your family.”
     Aidan -- Sulla -- picked up her screwdriver and eyed him curiously.  “Why? What does my family have to do with anything?”
     “I’ve said it once before, and I’ll say it again. It’s up to you who you tell about being a Mage. I haven’t told my family. You met my parents, briefly. They’re all right, but this Pagan thing I’ve been doing is hard enough for them to swallow. If I were to say to them, ‘Yeah, I’ve been telling you all along that magick is real . . . well, I was wrong, I’ve found something that’s really real,’ . . . they wouldn’t understand.”
     Aidan nodded. “Okay. So what about my family?”
     “I’m getting there; chill.” Darcy grinned. “The summer after you graduated high school, you remember? We took a trip to San Francisco to visit your cousins?”
     “Darcy, that was four years ago. You expect me to remember that?”
     “Yeah, actually I do. You have an excellent memory, when you choose to use it.”
     Sulla shook her head, but smiled at him. “Yeah, I remember. We stayed with Callia in her tiny apartment, even though Bridie had tons of room, ’cause you didn’t know my aunt Bridie very well then.”
     “Yes. I was a Mage then, but only for a few months. Alec grumbled about me leaving for so long; he was in the middle of teaching me about the Spirit World.”
     “Alec’s your Mentor?” Sudden comprehension dawned on Aidan’s face.
     Darcy glanced sideways at her. “I should have thought that would be painfully obvious by now.”
     “Hey, leave off. I’ve only been Awakened four days, remember?”
     “Anyway, we get to San Francisco, I meet up with my old friend, and your cousin, Callia, the reason that we even know each other -- ”
     “Actually, I think that would be Maeve. If she hadn’t died when you were visiting San Francisco . . .”
     “Either way. I meet up with my old friend, and over the course of the next couple days, I realize that my old friend is also a Mage. Small world, huh?”
     Aidan sat up straight, and nearly spilled her screwdriver down her front. “What?” She downed the rest of her drink, set the glass down on a table, and turned so she was facing Darcy fully. “Callia’s a Mage?”
     “Truth.”
     “Anyone else I should know about?”
     “Besides Alec, you mean?”
     “Not funny, Darcy.”
     Darcy grinned. “Sorry. I thought it was. Yes, there is more you should know about. Your best friend Vivian is.”
     “Viv? Really? What about my parents?” Sulla was pretty sure she knew the answer already, but waited.
     “Nah. Normal Sleepers, as far as I can tell.”
     Aidan settled back against the couch, thinking hard about her family.
                                                                      #
     “Hello?”
     “Hey, Viv, it’s Aidan.”
     “Aidan! What’s up?”
     Aidan sighed, holding the phone away from her mouth. There really wasn’t a better way to do this, a less shocking way. “I’m a Mage, Viv.”
     There was silence for a few seconds, then, “What?” Viv laughed. “That’s awesome! When did that happen?”
     “Thursday.”
     “Is Darcy your Mentor?”
     It took Aidan a second to realize that if Darcy was able to tell that Vivian was a Mage, then it should be equally easy for her to tell that he is. “Yeah, he told me you and Callia are Mages, and I wanted to call you, and talk about it.”
     “Why’d he stop with me and Callia?”
     “What do you mean?”
     “Aidan, our family makes up half the Mages in San Francisco, practically.”
     “What?”
     “Oh, yeah. Look, there’s a lot of story here. You would know it already, but whenever you and your parents came to visit the family for the holidays and stuff, your mom was always real insistent that we not tell you anything about it, and -- ”
     “What? My mom? Darcy said she’s not a Mage!”
     Vivian sighed. “She’s not. But she knows. She had to, her parents, and two of her siblings are Mages. And her grandparents. That’s what I’m saying, there’s a lot of stuff you don’t know.”
     “Does my dad know?”
     “I‘m not sure, but judging from your mom‘s attitude toward the whole thing, I doubt it.”
     “So, who else aren’t Mages, then?  You said two of her siblings.”
     “My dad’s not. Julia and Bran aren’t, either, but they’re young still. Branwen Awoke really early.”
     “That’s it?”
     “Yep.”
     Aidan had to consciously relax her face; her eyes were wide and her mouth slightly agape. “Viv, I’m sorry, I wanted to chat tonight, but I think it’s gonna have to wait. I’m not sure how much more I can handle.”
     “It’s cool. I grew up with it. You’ve learned it all in one night. Give me a call in a day or so.”
                                                                  #
                                                                                               Tuesday, July 30, 2002
     The next morning, after breakfast, Aidan -- Sulla --  cornered her mom. Darcy was right about how much she needed to learn, but he’d taught her a cool trick on Sunday when she’d begged to learn about Magick.
     Her mom was in the kitchen, drinking coffee and reading a novel. Aidan sat down at the table, and pulled her little knife out of its sheath. She’d gotten it on Saturday, with Darcy. They’d spent Friday evening discussing the Spheres, which ones she wanted to study, and what she would need to do Magick. She needed a Focus for each Sphere she worked with.
     Well, her Focus for Life was blood, and so she bought a knife on Saturday. She cut her right thumb under the table as her mom asked, “Did you and Darcy have a good time last night? You’ve been spending a lot of time with him the past week.”
     She concentrated on the blood between her thumb and forefinger, the Life slipping out from the part in her skin. It felt like fire, like the woman she had seen when she Awoke, the woman Darcy called her Avatar. She raised her hand from under the table and reached toward the spider plant in the middle of the table.
     She said, almost absently, because she needed to concentrate too much on the plant and the blood and Life, the plant’s form and the form she was stroking it into; she said, “Yes, we have been spending a lot of time together lately.”
     Sulla was stroking the leaves, giving each long leaf the shape of an ivy leaf.  It wouldn’t stay that way naturally, of course, she would need to “feed” it to make it permanent.  
     She heard a chair scrape back, but she didn’t look up, she was still stroking each leaf, leaving a clean ivy leaf behind before working on the next one.  
     “Aidan . . .”
     “But you see, Mom, I have to spend time with him if I’m going to learn.” Finished with her Magick, she looked up from the plant she‘d been working on. “And I want to learn.”
     “Aidan, why are you bleeding?”
     Aidan watched her mom’s face for a moment. “Viv says you know. Thursday night I Awoke. I want to know why Viv knew all about the Mages growing up, and I knew nothing. Does Dad know anything? Viv didn’t think so. What do you know?”
     “Aidan, will you please do something about that blood?”
     Sulla glanced down at her fingers. “Sure thing.” She was seized by an idea. She didn’t stop to think about it, really. She started to concentrate on the saliva in her mouth. Saliva is a body fluid, maybe her Focus could just be body fluids. Better for stealth Magick than cutting her fingers every time she wanted to do something.
     Saliva is a body fluid, and thus holds Life. Her saliva began to feel like fire, like her blood, and she stuck her thumb and forefinger in her mouth and sucked. The blood was still flowing rather freely, but Sulla concentrated on closing the wound. Darcy hadn’t taught her to do that, yet, but she was sure it would be fairly easy.
     For a moment, she wasn’t so sure; she was concentrating and nothing was happening; maybe she needed Darcy to show her how to do it after all. But for the slightest instant, she thought she smelled flame, and the fire in her mouth welled up around the wound, and she pulled her fingers out of her mouth, clean of blood and free of any wound.
     Sulla wiped her fingers on a towel hanging from the back of one of the empty chairs, and glanced at her mom.
     “Please don’t do that again, Aidan. I don’t know much, but from what I do know, you’re lucky I’ve seen Magick before. I remember the first and only time your aunt Bridie tried something like that in public. I don’t know what she was trying to do, but we were at the mall together, and she was fiddling with some herbs. I had to drive her home, because she was blinded for the rest of the day. Got her sight back much later that night.” Mary shook her head. “Your grandparents were not pleased, but they said the blindness was a suitable punishment.”
     Aidan didn’t say anything. Partly she was remembering Darcy’s lesson Friday. Apart from discussing the Magick she wanted to learn, she did vaguely remember him talking about “going against Nature’s will” and how that caused bad stuff to happen. But she also wanted her mom to keep talking, so she didn’t interrupt.
     Mary sighed. “Your father does not know. I asked my family to keep it quiet around us, because I wanted a chance at living a normal life.”
     Aidan meant to continue waiting for her mom, but at that, she burst out, “A normal life, Mom? Why the hell would you want a normal life when you can have this!” She pointed to the spider plant.
     “Yes, about that. I’d appreciate it if you would turn it back before your father comes home. Unless you intend to tell him?” Mary arched an eyebrow, and continued. “Which I guess you won’t do, because if you’d been planning on telling us, you would have told us Thursday night.” She paused for a moment, waiting for Aidan to respond, then sighed and gestured to the plant. “What good is that, Aidan? I mean, sure, the Magick can be exciting, but having grown up around it, I was just as pleased to find that I wasn’t meant for it. It was the signal that I could have a normal life. I did it for me, true, but I did it for Nathan, and for you as well.”
     “Well, now what, Mom? Your "normal life" is being shaken up again by Magick. What now?”
     “My life will only be shaken if you decide to tell your father, or try to do Magick in front of people who don’t know. . .what do you call them?”
     “Sleepers.”
     “Yes. Your life is not normal anymore, but mine still can be.”
     Aidan couldn’t understand what her mom was saying. Why would anyone want a “normal life”? This was bullshit. She hated being lied to. She released her hold on the spider plant, allowing it to look like a spider plant again, and jumped up from the table.
     She stormed out of the kitchen and into her bedroom, feeling tears squeeze out of her eyes, and hoping to get away before her mom saw them.
                                                                  #
                                                                                             Saturday, August 3, 2002
     “Earth to Sulla. What’s up, babe?  You’ve been spaced out all evening.”
     Sulla looked up at Darcy. “I’m sorry. I’m distracted.”
     “Yeah, no shit. You still thinking about your mom?”
     Sulla scowled. “Are you sure you don’t have Mind?”
     Darcy smiled and shook his head. “I don’t need to read your mind when it’s written all over your face. Here’s a lesson for you: Magick isn’t everything. Hedge magic can be pretty powerful, and plain observation will get you a lot. Remember that. Never underestimate the power of other tools.” He paused, watching her.  He sighed.
     “Why do you think your mom was lying to you?”
     “I don’t know. A feeling, I guess. And . . . why would anyone choose a normal life, the white-bread whitewashed American dream, over Magick?” She gestured to the coffee table, to the herbs she was using as her Focus for Forces.
     “But Sulla, your mom didn’t choose. I don’t think it’s possible to choose, at least not the way you mean. It‘s down to your Avatar, if you Awaken or not.”
     Sulla shook her head. “She said she was pleased to find that Magick wasn’t for her. How could anyone be pleased, knowing about Magick, but not having it? I mean, I guess there are people out there who want a . . . a normal life: spouse, kids, white-picket fence, house in the ’burbs, all that. I just didn’t think I knew any of them. Why would anyone want that?”
     Darcy stared at Aidan in disbelief. “Aidan, I think that’s something most people want.”
     She turned to look at Darcy and raised an eyebrow. “You?”
     “Yeah, why not?”
     It was Aidan’s turn to stare at Darcy in disbelief. “You really do? You’re not joking?”
     “No joke. Find someone I love, get married, get a big house where I can paint and grow weed, the whole deal. Maybe not quite the “whitewashed American dream” you were talking about, but. . .you don’t want something like that?”
     Sulla shivered. “Buy a house. . .get married. . .not really, no. If you buy a house, you’re stuck there, you know? And marriage? I’ll pass. I’m addicted to freedom.”
     “You’re young still, you know.”
     Sulla shook her head, but didn’t say anything. The two of them sat silently for a moment. “I had a dream last night. Sort of.”
     “Sort of?”
     Aidan sighed. “The woman I told you about, my . . . Avatar. I had a dream about her.”
     “What happened?”
     “Not much.” Sulla sat back, remembering. She had felt connected to the being standing in front of her in a way that she couldn’t describe anymore. She wasn’t sure she could even comprehend it anymore. “She stood there, just as I described her before: naked, flames in her hair, and she was standing in flames. There was fire all around.” And Sulla had awoken with a name on her lips: Blaize. That was her Avatar’s name. And there was another name, a name that resounded in her even more deeply than Blaize: Sunburst. She was pretty sure that was how Blaize saw her. “She told me her name. She didn’t speak, and I didn’t have a sense of it in the dream, but when I woke up . . . it was in my head, rattling around, calling to me. Blaize.”
     “And that was it?”
     “Pretty much. She smiled, like she was fond of me. I had a very distinct idea of my spatial position in relation to her, even with the flames. But yeah, pretty much it.”
     “Sounds like she was introducing herself to you, getting to know you.”
     Sulla nodded. “Something like that.”
                                                                       # # #
     Sunburst was standing in the middle of nowhere, if she could be said to be standing, as there didn‘t seem to anything under her feet. Or anywhere else, for that matter. There was light all around, coming from . . . somewhere. Nowhere. Everywhere. She couldn’t tell. Directly in front of her stood Blaize, her flaming hair falling down her bare shoulders. Her expression and fond smile said Sunburst was a good friend, a favorite younger sister or cousin. That smile warmed Sunburst more than the waves of heat coming off her Avatar.
     Sulla woke slowly, feeling warm. The smell of fire was in her nostrils, just the faintest whiff of a candle burning. She smiled. San Francisco.
     She frowned and opened her eyes. San Francisco? Where did that come from? San Francisco.
     She sat up and put a hand to her head, and it came once more, resounding throughout her skull: San Francisco . . . Then it faded away.
                                                                       # # #
                                                                                           Saturday, August 10, 2002
     Sulla’s phone rang, and she answered it after checking to see who it was: Darcy. “Hey, babe, what’s up?”
     “Just calling to tell you that there’s been a slight change in plans for tonight. Bring your Mind Focus. Alec’s coming over and teaching you, since he actually knows Mind. It’ll make things easier for you.”
     “Wicked. Same time?”
     “Yep.”
     “See you then.”
                                                                       #
     Sulla had taken unusual care in dressing for her lesson. She was only going to be seeing Darcy and Alec, guys she’d known for years. Sure, Alec and Darcy were both pretty good-looking men, although Alec was several years older than she, and Darcy didn‘t seem to be interested in her beyond friendship, and the promise that someday soon the classroom would be the bedroom.
     The thing was, since her Awakening, and especially since her little chat with her mom a couple weeks ago, she had found her relationships with Sleepers sort of fading away. Part of it was that she found she and her Sleeper friends had less and less in common since the Awakening. But also . . . she hated lying. And this was such a big thing to lie about. And she felt . . . unfaithful . . . to her Avatar, denying Blaize and her Magick to so many people.
     So that left her with Darcy, unless she moved to San Francisco . . . maybe the dream . . . but now she had another Mage to be friends with. That was enough to warrant dressing up.
                                                                      #
     She’d hugged Alec and Darcy as she’d arrived, and declined Darcy’s offer of something to drink. She’d found a clearer mind helped her with Magick, and Darcy had already warned her that Mind was a difficult Sphere.
     They set up her censer and lit the charcoal, and were waiting for it to get hot. Alec glanced at Aidan. “This is all right for some things, you know, but for stealth Magick, this is no good. And also for Magick on the fly. You might at least consider carrying sticks of incense around with you, if not cigarettes.”
     Sulla looked up at him. “But I don’t smoke.”
     “You don’t have to. Just light the cigarette and wave it around a bit. It’s like incense. And when you’re at a bar trying to find out if the guy you’re talking to wants to rape you or not, it’ll look a little odd if you pull out some incense, that’s all I’m saying.”
Sulla nodded.
     “Now, we’re going to talk about Mind mostly, and then I’m going to help you build a shield. That’s the first thing anyone working with Mind should learn. Now, the mind is a honeycomb, Sulla. There are doors and rooms beyond number, and it's very easy to get lost . . . and very easy to damage the mind. Have a care.”
                                                                  # # #
     Sunburst found herself again in the middle of nowhere. There was light all around. And there stood Blaize, directly in front of her. She had wings, this time, great white wings, tinged with flame, like her flaming flame-colored hair. She smiled, a fond, sisterly smile, but the smile held a touch of impatience.
     Sulla woke slowly, feeling warm. The smell of fire was in her nostrils, as if there were many candles burning near her. She smiled. San Francisco.
She frowned and opened her eyes. San Francisco. The thought would not leave her. San Francisco. Where was this coming from?
She sat up and shook her head, and it came once more, resounding in her skull, almost hurting: San Francisco . . . .  Then it faded away.
                                                                   # # #
                                                                                            Tuesday, August 20, 2002
     Sulla smiled. She liked this better than sitting in Darcy’s living room, sensing electricity and such nonsense. He’d be mad at her for skipping their lesson, but she needed to think. And she was enjoying her time on her own, with no teacher sternly looking after her. She was in a park, and the great thing was that there was so much for her to sense, as opposed to Darcy’s living room. Life, Forces, even Mind. Squirrels have a mind, though that experience was quite a bit different from the one time she tried taking a look at Alec’s mind.
     But this was the third time her Avatar had come to her in a dream, with the words ‘San Francisco’ banging around in her head as a result. Blaize was obviously trying to tell her something about San Francisco. She wasn’t sure what, though.
                                                           #
     “Aidan, Darcy called for you. Didn’t you have your phone with you?”
     Aidan glanced at her mom. “No, I didn’t. What did Darcy have to say?”
     “He didn’t sound pleased, and he wanted to know where you were. Where were you?”
     “Hanging out at the park.” Aidan -- Sulla -- turned away before her mom could say anything else. She’d been staying away from her parents a lot since her chat with her mom. She kept away from her mom because she was still sure her mom had lied to her, and she stayed away from her dad because she refused to lie to him. If he wanted to know what was up in his daughter’s life, his wife could lie to him. She seemed to be okay with that.
                                                               #
                                                                                       Wednesday, August 21, 2002
     “Aidan, where were you last night?”
     Sulla, she thought, but she figured she shouldn’t press it. He didn’t sound pleased at all. “At the park. I was working, sensing Magick. Don’t worry, nothing vulgar. I can’t do much vulgar stuff, anyway, yet.”
     “And why exactly were you at the park, instead of here?”
     Aidan -- Sulla -- sighed, holding the phone away from her mouth so she wouldn’t blow into the speaker. She still hadn’t decided how to handle this. “I felt like it.” As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she knew that was probably not the best thing she could have said, but since it was more true than most things she could have said, and she still hadn’t decided to tell him the full truth, she continued. “I wanted to, Darcy. And it was great! There’s so much more stuff outside to sense, Forces was amazing and Life just about knocked me off my feet. I even checked out the mind of a squirrel, if you can call it that.”
     Darcy sighed and didn’t hold the phone away from his mouth, and she was sure he was running a hand through his hair. He did that sometimes when he was frustrated. “Look, Sulla, I’ve said it before, and I don’t like repeating myself. If you want me to teach you, you’ll do what I say. If you don’t do what I say without good reason, you aren’t sending me ‘I want to learn’ vibes, and I don’t want to teach someone who doesn’t want to learn.”
     Sulla kept silent. That was the best bet.
“Look, the lessons continue. Be at my apartment tonight. I’m serious about not wanting to repeat myself.” Darcy hung up.
     Sulla let out a long breath. Not pleased at all. She’d have to watch her step for a bit.
                                                               # # #
     The heat was intense. Sunburst found herself standing in the middle of flames. Blaize was there, looking slightly larger than Sunburst remembered, her wings a pale orange, and her eyes glowing like hot, red embers. She did not smile.
     Sulla awoke feeling very warm. She opened her eyes and threw the blankets off her, the heat and the smell more like a campfire than a few candles. San Francisco.
     She frowned. San Francisco. Blaize, what do you want? San Francisco. What about San Francisco? San Francisco. She ran her fingers through her hair. San Francisco. Her hair was slightly damp with sweat. San Francisco. She almost cried out as the thought came once more with great force: San Francisco . . . . Then it faded away.
                                                                # # #
                                                                                         Sunday, September 1, 2002
     Should I tell Darcy?  I’ve had this dream now several times, and the dream keeps getting more and more intense.  I don’t know if I can take any more.
     She was meeting him for their lesson tonight, as usual. It’s not like she wouldn’t have an opportunity. She just wasn’t sure about telling him.
                                                                #
                                                                                        Tuesday, September 3, 2002
     “Darcy, I’ve been thinking about moving to San Francisco. You know, be a part of a community of Mages and all that. I’ve been Awakened for about a month now, and I still know just you and Alec. I want more than that.”
     Darcy’s forehead crinkled a bit, and he looked confused. “There are plenty of Mages here, Sulla. Next time there’s some kind of gathering, I’ll take you. You don’t need to move.”
     Aidan sighed. “Not need, Darcy. Want.”
     Darcy shook his head. “We’ll talk about it some more later, if you want. Let’s start our lesson.”
                                                               # # #
     Sunburst screamed. The heat and the flames were burning her, searing her bone, eating her flesh. Blaize towered over her, her hair whipping around her as if the flames were a high wind, and a terrible light glowed in her ember eyes.
     It took Sulla several minutes to wake, but when she did, she thrashed around, kicking the blankets off. She felt sick from the heat. The smell of a raging forest fire was in her nostrils, and the smell of her burning flesh. San Francisco!
     Sulla leaned back against the wall. San Francisco! It was like a wave crashing down on her, a wave of angry thoughts, all screaming at her: San Francisco! San Francisco! San Francisco!  Okay! San Francisco!  San Francisco. The wave started to ebb, started to slow. San Francisco. Her hair was wet with sweat. San Francisco. San Francisco . . . . Then it faded away.
                                                                 #
                                                                                     Thursday, September 19, 2002
     She got out of bed, and looked around her room. Her Pagan stuff, definitely. Most of her clothes. And a few of her pictures, a couple books. The rest she could leave.
     She ran downstairs. The house was empty, for which she was grateful. She grabbed a few empty cardboard boxes from the basement and took them back up to her room. She started throwing clothes into the boxes, not really thinking about what she was throwing in.
     She’d talk to her parents tonight, and leave tomorrow morning. She hadn’t spoken to Darcy for days, and she wasn’t about to break the silence now. They’d been arguing for weeks. For some reason, he wanted her to stay here. It didn’t help that she was unable to give him a really good reason to move, since he was right about all the reasons she did give him. But she didn’t feel comfortable telling him about the dream.
     And come to think of it, he had never really given her a good reason why she should stay. Their arguments mostly turned into shouting matches (mostly on her side), and she hadn’t learned much the past couple days. She just didn’t want to talk to him, period, not for a while.
     She was still very sticky with sweat.  She thought briefly about showering, but this was the fifth dream in a row, and they had all been like that, and while it might take a while, she could take a hint. Before these more intense dreams, the dream had come sporadically, and while it had been increasing in intensity, it was never like this last dream.
                                                             #
                                                                                         Friday, September 20, 2002
     The night passed without a visit from Blaize. Aidan woke early and got into her car without waking anyone up. She had packed the car the night before and told her parents she wanted to live in San Francisco, and that she’d be staying with Bridie for a bit.
     She turned the engine on and started toward the highway.